Friday, November 18, 2011

Sleep over

The Sperm Donor went out last night, apparently for a little "adult entertainment". Rolled in about 11:30 this morning and spent the afternoon napping on the couch. He's lucky I was feeling merciful, or I'd have been vacuuming around the couch just to be mean.

Hope to hell he at least got laid...

He did look a little silly getting out of his car with his pillow and sleeping bag. Who knew they did sleep-overs at his age?

Are you done ... talking ... yet?

Dear SD,

I'm so happy that you're going to an all-inclusive resort with your buddy for a week. I don't even mind that your airfare to Mexico is on my credit card or that you need another $650 for "fun".

In appreciation for my tolerance and largesse, could you please just Shut The Fuck Up about golf and scuba diving between now and the time you leave this winter?



Where's my cape?

Dear Sperm Donor,

If I'm supposed to be sympathetic to your lack of motivation to go to the gym, think again.

I was up and showered, with laundry sorted and started before you picked your head out of the pillows. I was out of the house to get winter clothes for the spawn and to restock the fridge before you finished your first cuppa Joe.

I shopped for, transported, unloaded and put away $260 worth of groceries while you managed to go get your haircut.

Before you got home, I had started more laundry, cleaned the spoiled food out of the basement freezer and made a shopping list for the wholesale club.

Do I *look* stupid to you?

Dear Captain AssClown,

When you ask me why I do something for my job a certain way - in this case, work from printed drawings rather than electronic files - and then roll your eyes at my answer, it doesn't matter that your mouth SAYS you don't think I'm stupid, because your facial expressions and body language overrule it.

For the record, I'd LOVE to see you try to compare two disparate sets of floor plans - one C sized and the other D sized - on a 17" laptop screen without wanting to stab kittens. Knock yourself out, Sparky, I've got a cocktail and a comfy chair for the show.

In the mean time, kiss my shiny, fat, white ass. This is why you never get least, not by me.



Well, look at that...

...the weekend is gone and the sperm donor managed to contribute nothing at all to the smooth running of our household. Not an emptied dishwasher, not a vacuumed floor, not a good god-damned thing.

What he DID manage to do was fritter away Saturday morning doing gods-know-what (probably sudoku) on his laptop, then spend the next seven hours helping someone ELSE with stuff around THEIR house. And I can't even be well and truly pissed at him for Sunday, because he spent the entire day doing things for my elderly parents. Well, I can be pissed that he felt compelled to re-mow the lawn that my brother mowed after work on Tuesday, because there's no fucking way the lawn needed it already.

There have also been what I refer to as "boating noises".  I haven't mentioned this before, but SD is completely obsessed with boating all summer long. It's not like his boat is anything to inspire envy in the neighbors...or anyone, for that matter. But it's his, and it's paid for, and it's cheap to run and it's something of his dad's that he loves.  The downside to the whole boat issue is that he would happily spend every nice summer weekend day on it, at the expense of those chores that keep a family/household running smoothly.

Stay out of my liquor

Dear AssHat SpermDonor,

Do not come home, sit down to the meal I cooked, and proceed to complain about my flavored vodka that you got into last night. YOU finished off your vodka, NO ONE invited you to partake of mine. And if I'm supposed to feel sorry for you that you had to resort to Uncle Jose? Yeah, that ain't gonna happen. Now STFU so I can Facebook with my MWDAS bitches.