Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Men and Children

<Caveat: You'll find that the behaviour of men both frustrates and confuses me.>

DH is home today. There were a couple around-the-house things to get done, but I considered it highly likely he wouldn't remember (read: think) to do them, as they'd been discussed over the prior weekend. So today, I sent a little reminder. What I got in return was, I think, typical of most men (and for any males reading this who disagree, note that I use the term "most"...not "all").  It was a complete and detailed listing of all the things he did around the house.

Now, I'm grateful, sure and I am. But I also hold the somewhat treasonous opinion that when both adults in a family work, the household chores are a shared responsibility. Yes, I heard the collective gasp from all the pearl-clutchers in the peanut gallery. Get over it, gals - it's the 21st century, and my job contributes nearly half of the household income. He can unload the damned dishwasher or fold his own clothes - I'm certain he won't die from it.  And by the way, if he does? Well, I've got life insurance on him. 

But to my point: what is the desired outcome when you send me your little list, luv? If it's recognition, well, I said thanks in my message back. But honestly, how about all those weekend days where I'm busting my arse to pick up after you and the spawn while you sit there, trapped by the game on your computer? I could count on one hand the number of times you've recognized that you have clean skivvies thanks to me, or that you can find a clean coffee cup to dirty up leave on the end table all week.  So, in hindsight, I rescind my "thanks" and instead wonder when you'll realize that pulling your weight around the house doesn't get you a cookie or a blue-ribbon or a trophy - it gets you a spouse that resents you somewhat less than she might otherwise. That alone should be worth the energy, don'tcha think?

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