Keep your bodily functions to yourself

Dear Sperm Donor,

It is NOT the highlight of my day to walk in encumbered by both a large, heavy bag of groceries and my laptop case only to be serenaded by your ass explosions and grunts because you are taking a dump with the bathroom door open.

Nor is it the highlight of my day to have that magical sound and visual accompanied by the rancid stench of your efforts while I try to round up something to eat after the meeting I went to about our school system.

Oh, and thanks so much for NOT saving me some dinner, assclown.

Love,

DT

Lists

I'm a list maker.  I love to have a list of shit I need to get done, and feel the absurd satisfaction of crossing tasks off it.  I get a lot of heat for being a list maker. The Sperm Donor doesn't make lists - thinks it's silly, maybe, I dunno.  Of course, he doesn't remember shit, so it doesn't necessarily prove his case, now, does it?

I was thinking about lists on my way to work this morning. I'm up to my neck in projects at work, really starting to feel overwhelmed, and wondering why I wasn't making To Do lists. Probably because I can't keep up with one in that environment - it's too dynamic.  Walk into one meeting to report something done, walk out with three things to add.

I think that lists in my personal life have become validation. I can so easily be sucked into the morass of resentment that develops when I work around the house while the SD sits on his ass and plays on his computer, or watches TV. Somehow, his inactivity, his lack of participation, makes me feel like I'm not making headway.  So I itemize. I update my Facebook status with my list of accomplishments.  I'm not looking for a pat on the head from my friends; no, it's more a case of being able to see, right there in that list, that YES, I DID get an assload of stuff done today and I have every right to be proud of it.

Now.  Where the hell is that list?

Sleep over

The Sperm Donor went out last night, apparently for a little "adult entertainment". Rolled in about 11:30 this morning and spent the afternoon napping on the couch. He's lucky I was feeling merciful, or I'd have been vacuuming around the couch just to be mean.

Hope to hell he at least got laid...

He did look a little silly getting out of his car with his pillow and sleeping bag. Who knew they did sleep-overs at his age?

Are you done ... talking ... yet?

Dear SD,

I'm so happy that you're going to an all-inclusive resort with your buddy for a week. I don't even mind that your airfare to Mexico is on my credit card or that you need another $650 for "fun".

In appreciation for my tolerance and largesse, could you please just Shut The Fuck Up about golf and scuba diving between now and the time you leave this winter?

Mmmkaythanks.

DT

Where's my cape?

Dear Sperm Donor,

If I'm supposed to be sympathetic to your lack of motivation to go to the gym, think again.

I was up and showered, with laundry sorted and started before you picked your head out of the pillows. I was out of the house to get winter clothes for the spawn and to restock the fridge before you finished your first cuppa Joe.

I shopped for, transported, unloaded and put away $260 worth of groceries while you managed to go get your haircut.

Before you got home, I had started more laundry, cleaned the spoiled food out of the basement freezer and made a shopping list for the wholesale club.